Rush Limbaugh Devours Foot, Hates Women

Last week Rush Limbaugh put his foot squarely into his mouth. Usually when Rush does this he chews on his foot and swallows it, washes it down with a 3 liter bottle of Pepsi, and grows back another foot and shoves that one in his mouth. Sometimes there is gravy involved.

Usually this cycle just keeps going. Rush Limbaugh is not in the business of apologizing for his inflammatory comments and it seems at this point that politicians, the media and the public just try to not give him any popularity fueling backlash. This most recent bout of zeitgeist rejection though appears to be different. With his comments on health care companies covering birth control and his specific reference to a woman as “slutting it up” he has set off a different kind of controversy.

Basically it became instantly clear that Rush Limbaugh was blatantly sexist and incredibly ill informed on the medical needs of women. This offered his critics who have been desperate to really take him down a peg a great opportunity to attack the beast and he is paying the price.

The lesson learned here should be understood to all of us more social beings. You probably shouldn’t start a fight with half the population.

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Dear Angelina Jolie, You’re On Your Last Legs

Dear Angelina Jolie,

I’m really rooting for you here. You are a very talented actress. You have already won an Academy Award for Actress In A Supporting Role. You have also done your share of independent movies (a la A Mighty Heart) and you’re even getting into screenwriting and directing and from reviews it was good. Have you ever wondered why your last serious endeavors have been, well, bombs with the general public?

It’s all to do with your persona, dearie. The one thing you haven’t grasped with media and social skills is that you need to know when to disappear from the headlines. And you need to stop living the Brangelina life up close and personal. The Academy Award legbomb was your only notable success recently.

I mean, really??

 

This is what you’re now known for? A Google search titled “Angelina Jolie’s right leg” is your new legacy? Jolie, if you want to be jolly, then it’s time you make a change.

Here’s what you can do to correct your image:

  • Publicly laugh off this right leg meme. Act cool. Say how it’s amusing and you get a ‘kick’ out of it. After all it’s a real knee slapper. (See what I did there?)
  • Start fading into the background. Make your focus your charity work with the UN and start working on more independent films.
  • Drop the ‘Brangelina’ hydra monster you created. Let that die and regain identity as a solo person. You can date somebody and live with someone without becoming one creature.
  • Start requesting dramatic roles again and lay a little low on the action flicks.

 

 

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Leap Babies Have Long Awaited Birthdays

social skillsThis Wednesday, February 29th, marks a long awaited birthday for many people born on Leap Day. February 29th happens every four years (leap years) as a way to compensate for the fact that it takes the earth 365.25 days to circle the sun.

Social skills and norms already dictate that we be nice to people on their birthdays. This is true fourfold for those born on the 29th. How would you feel if your birthday only came every four years? If you know anyone born on this comically off date you own them a seriously awesome gift, ideally something that will keep on giving for the next 4 years.

Some famous people born Leap Day director William Wellman, rapper Ja Rule and poet Saul Williams.

Although some people rue the fates (or their parents) for birthing them on this date other relish the unique opportunity. Some hospitals report lower cesarean rates on this day while other report higher ones. As expected the overall trend is you’re just as likely to be born on leap day as you are on any other day in a 4 year span.

My advice online for those born this odd yet fabulous date, go Anthony Texas for our nation’s largest Leap Day celebration and commiserate with others born the 29th.

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Update: We Don’t Care

Ah Facebook, a socially acceptable way to stalk your friends/enemies/frenemies and to give people insight into your every being. The status update: a way to share information about yourself, post embarrassing pictures, share adorable cat videos, and quote extremely depressing song lyrics that mimic your current emo state of mind. Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been guilty of the emo status from time to time, whether it’s through lyrics or just me ranting about what a crappy day I had. We’ve all been there and we’ve all done that. If you say you haven’t, you’re full of it.

But I think we all have that one friend (some of us unfortunately more than one) who posts nothing but the most dismal and hopeless status ALL THE TIME. It’s a real drag when I scroll through my feed laughing at silly updates and then I come across yours talking about how you given up on love and life, how the world is out to get you, and nothing ever goes your way. Oh my gosh, cry me a damn river. We ALL go through problems, some worse than others. We ALL have bad days and it’s okay if you want to vent about it from time to time. It’s nice to see your friends respond to it and show they care about how you’re doing.

But when did Facebook become the MyLifeSux News Feed? Some of you are doing it for attention. Yeah admit it. You like the attention of everyone flocking to your status and having 50 comments on a post. You want your ego stroked, every day. And then there are those who are seriously depressed. But you know what? Why don’t you try getting help? Did you ever stop to think that maybe you should go to therapy instead of posting it to the world? Facebook may be a social network, but it’s not a group therapy session. This is not how to be sociable. No one wants to be friends with Debbie Downer.

 

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Things Not to Do On a Crowded Train: Read a Book

Crowded subway trains are the bane of any metropolitan area commuter. And especially in New York City, where it seems all of its 8+ million people cram into the same subway car every morning and evening. It’s typical you’ll find yourself elbow to elbow (or chest to shoulder, or any other number of uncomfortable combinations of body parts) in the morning. And the last thing you should be doing is shoving yourself on to a subway car, filling in the last bit of space, breathing in the last of the oxygen and then pulling your stupid book out to read.

Yeah, I’m looking at you, lady on the L train this morning. Reading  Nine Faces of Christ, are we? Well Christ’s nine stupid faces are smacking into my head repeatedly with every jolt of the train. Must you really defy everyone on the train just to pull out your book? Is the irony lost on you that you are reading a spiritual novel of positive enlightenment, all the while stabbing someone in the head with it?

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this or seen some other poor sap become the victim to someones reading choices (this counts for E-readers too, they may be small but they are still smacking me upside the face). It’s basic social skills, people. If my headphones aren’t already on and I step on a crowded train, you know what I do? I keep them in my bag. Because I choose not to elbow everybody as I awkwardly put them on and then shove my iPod into someone’s stomach while I try to turn it on.

You can live without your stupid book for a 15 minute train ride. And if you don’t, I think it’s fair game for someone to grab said book and toss it on the train floor. Try getting to that when you have 80 bajillion people surrounding you. Your copy of Twilight probably deserves it anyway.

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Dealing with Ex-Lovers

relationship adviceIf you are anything like me, you keep up with your exs. I always say if you liked someone enough to date them then you certainly like them enough to be friends. Even if things don’t end well, time heals all wounds. An ex-lover can give you helpful insight into your personality and relationship advice.

Some people get suspicious when their current partner starts reconnecting with an ex. Unless your partner has a problem with being faithful I would say you should not be worried. If you are peeved, just invite yourself along to their hangouts and practice your social skills. Chances are if your partner likes this person so will you. If your partner seems resistant to this then I would start being suspicious.

Ultimately you need to trust your partner enough to handle themselves when dealing with exs. If your partner is unfaithful then it doesn’t matter if they cheat on you with an ex or not, they are still not worth your time. If you still can’t get over the block of having an ex in the picture make it your pet project to set them up. It is something you and your partner can bound over and if things work out you really have nothing to worry about. As the Bible say if you want to destroy your enemy turn them into a friend (or something to that effect).

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Spoiler Alert: You Ruin Everything

Now you know what it feels like

Moments ago I was doing a little research on a movie I’d never seen before and was checking out the trailer on YouTube. Appeared to be the typical cheesy romance and I started to peruse the comments to see if others felt the same. Quite the contrary. Everyone was raving about it, including straight males who admitted to crying at the end. Everyone praised the “twist ending.” Okay, I was intrigued and figured I would give it a go sometime…until I scrolled to the last comment on the page which totally gave away the ending. There was no spoiler alert tag, no warning.

This is one of the greatest pitfalls of the Internet. Nothing is safe. People ruin everything –movies, television shows, books, and video games. But do I really have to avoid Facebook, Twitter, and literally the entire scope of the Internet until I watch/read something that recently came out? It’s bad enough when a friend lets it slip in conversation, but you have a keyboard. You can type “SPOILER ALERT” to send a warning. Chances are, I’ll see those big letters before my eyes finish reading the sentence. What’s even more frustrating is that when you type up a review on Netflix, you can actually check off a box for spoiler alerts which puts a nice little yield sign above the review. Do you know how many times people have not done that? Do you know how many movies I opted not to see?!

Learn some social skills and keep your thoughts, and the ending, to yourself. If you want to write “OmGz can you believe what happened on Show X last night?! Zoinks!” That’s fine. But don’t write on your feed that a character died! Not all of us can watch or read things the day they come out. Some of us have lives or other things going on. Have some patience. Don’t be that guy who ruins everything. I hope karma comes back to bite you in the ass and someone ruins a movie for you. Maybe then you’ll learn your lesson.

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Forget Mom On Valentine’s Day?!

Did you buy the tramp your sleeping with a pile of Valentine’s Day gifts? Did you get her chocolate and flowers, a playfully sexy card and perhaps a thoughtful gift? Did you plan out a romantic evening with dinner and dancing and all the other things that would make you the Lothario you have developed a reputation of being? I bet you did. Why wouldn’t you? You’re a red blooded American male looking for some “touch” (ZZ Top) on this romantic holiday.

Oh, but did you think about your Mother? You miserable piece of muck. How dare you?

Did you know that for several months your Mom hoisted you around inside of her lady parts? Oh you did know that? Seems like you might appreciate it a little more. You know she has tied her very sense of womanhood and beauty to producing you as a person? You did. Hmmm…

Your Mom loved you before whatever tramp you are sticking/being stuck by and she’ll continue to love you. She loves you whether your more social or less social. Whether you like it, appreciate it, notice it at all or not. Why not get your Mom a greeting card with a scratch off. For the love of all things holy do not forget your Mom on Valentine’s Day.

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That Awkward Subway Staring Contest

There is only one way to deal with a crowded subway: look around and act like you don’t notice the gazillion other people grinding up in your business. However, one of the worst things you can do is be a subway “stare master.” These are the people that regardless of the capacity of the subway car will find one individual to look at. And then they keep on staring back at you even after you notice. Can I just say, “WTF??!” Unless I’m doing something extremely inappropriate or wearing Lady Gaga’s last fashion faux pas, then there’s no reason for your awkward glare. Especially considering it’s obvious that you’re looking at me. You shouldn’t need to find this advice online for you to learn to stop but here it is anyway.

This isn’t even a case of you wanting to get laid, either. You just can’t help staring at other people. It’s freaking weird! Stop. Look out the window at the blurry lights we pass by. Look at the floor. Look at the ads. But if my eyes meet yours one more time I’m going to punch them out (not really but I’ll imagine a showdown in my head where my fist reaches your face and victory music plays).

Okay. I guess this is more of a pet peeve than a typical social skills lesson, but still, it’s New York City. Pretend the subway is full of rabid animals. Would you stare down a rabid dog? Or a badger? No! So don’t do it.

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Catholic Church to the Obama Administration “Pull Out!”

more socialThe Obama administration and the Catholic Church are publicly squaring off over a mandate in the healthcare reform that required catholic schools, hospitals, and organizations to make birth control pills available with the insurance they offer. The Catholic Church says the administration is trampling their religious freedom while the Obama administration is saying no one is allowed to deny women basic medical care.

More social issues are taking center stage as the election of 2012 nears. The decision by the Obama administration comes after several states yanked funding from Catholic charities because they were not providing equal care to gay people. Some states viewed funding Catholic charities as biased against the gay community. Some catholic organizations changed their practices to include servicing the gay community while others gave up on charity and state funding.

Most doctors believe access to birth control is a basic medical need and cuts down on the need for abortions, emergency contraception and other issues that can endanger female reproductive health. The question is not necessary social in nature however. Some constitutionalist view it as an issue of government impeding personal freedom, even though most people in support of the church are doing so because of religious affiliation not a love of constitutional law.

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