Social Medical

This morning I encountered one of the most obnoxious subway riders EVER. Not only did this girl talk loud enough so that the entire car could hear her, she blasted obscenities at a whim in front of kids, was popping bubble gum, and kept shoving people to give herself a personal space bubble.

Okay, it’s time for a reality check, miss anonymous social misfit. There is reason nobody likes you. Here are a few tips for learning social skills.

Problem: If you do happen to talk loud (a la Will Ferrell’s “voice immodulation” skit) then the last thing you want to do is say is how you think people are bizarre for calling you rude and asking of your friend (and mostly to everyone else), “Can you believe that?” The answer is,  “Yes. Yes I can believe it.”

Solution: Instead politely apologize and then tone down the volume. You can still be excited, angry, sad, or whatever without involving the disinterest of others. Who knows. People may start feeling sympathy.

Problem: Don’t pop gum loudly in someone’s ear and respond to their death glare with, “What? I’m allowed to pop my gum if I want!”

Solution: While technically you are allowed to pop gum, it is generally considered rude [see tip 1] when you do things to purposely annoy people. What are you trying to prove? That you’re a jerk? If you have to prove toughness to your friends then you need better associates.

Problem: Pushing and shoving for personal space is not acceptable during rush hour on a week day.

Solution: If you can’t handle the crowds or have an uncontrollable phobia of closed spaces, find an alternative mode of transportation. If not, you should say things like “excuse me” because people will often make more effort to appease your discomfort and move to the best of their ability. Also, don’t shove your way into an already overflowing car of commuters. On an average day the next train will be there in about 5-10 minutes and on a bad day people will normally excuse mild tardiness from transit failures since more than just you were affected.

Hopefully these tips will help you develop some social grace and how to be social and polite at the same time.