We recently switched offices, which is great for a plethora of unimportant reasons. One of the few unfortunates of this move, however, is that we are now in a building with an elevator.
The elevator itself isn’t a big deal (though the speed in which it operates leaves a bit to be desired). The issue is the series of societies rejects who always seem to be standing at the entrance in the lobby when I’m trying to get off… and who blatantly refuse to observe the unwritten rule of “Let Everyone Off, Then Everyone Get On.”
Like the undertow of a Tropical Storm’d beach, I’m consistently pulled back into the tube by a wave of overweight self-absorbed punks with no social skills whatsoever, fighting my way off the elevator like Justin Tuck chasing down a quarterback. It’s infuriating. It’s frustrating. And most importantly, its socially unacceptable. Seriously, in North Korea they use to execute people for this kind of thing… or at least they will, when they finally invent a working elevator.
If you’re waiting to get on an elevator, stand to the side. Wait for everyone to get off, then get in the shaft. If you’re SO concerned the lift is gonna jump away without you, feel free to stick your arm out like a safety patrol. But don’t prevent the exiters from doing the only thing they want to do… EXIT.
I only take the elevator down when I’m going to lunch or I’m heading home for the day. The idea of someone getting in my way during either of those excursions is the kind of thing that creates a brain aneurysm. Next person to get in my way should expect the full Terry Tate treatment. You’ve been warned.
