It’s a Concert, You’re Allowed to Dance and Rock Out

Posted on January 27, 2012 by KristenM

Maybe I don’t seem to understand the purpose behind concerts, but I’ve been under the impression it’s to enjoy a live performance and be given the opportunity to dance and rock the hell out like a crazy person without feeling embarrassment. I don’t exactly get the chance to mosh at home. Where else am I going to do it?! Besides always getting stuck behind 6’5 monstrosities (tall people belong in the back too…), I’m always near people who are there to have the worst time of their lives.

Awhile back I was at a Lady Gaga concert and you expect that every crazy little monster is going to go insane when she comes out. The woman creates pop and dance music. I expect to dance at her shows. And while 90% of the audience was, there were several girls in my section who refused to move a muscle. They just stood there with their arms folded like statues. But if that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve had other experiences with people who shoot me dirty looks because I’m moving around to the music. Granted, you shouldn’t get too crazy and invade people’s personal space, because that is annoying. But don’t give people pissed off looks because they’re having a good time and clearly you are not.

If you want to stand around with a puss on your face, listen to the album at home on your own time. I’m here to dance like a nut. Be more social! You might just have a good time.

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New Yorkers Have a Phobia

Posted on January 26, 2012 by kristing

I have decided that every New Yorker has a mass phobia. Everyone is absolutely terribly and wholeheartedly afraid. Of what? Of being left behind by the subway train.

This is the only possible conclusion! This is why they push to get off at the right stop and push to get on. If you’re sitting in the middle of a crowded train, a panic overcomes you that the jerk hogging the pole  near the door isn’t going to move fast enough and you’re going to have to go all the way to 86th street and walk “all the way” back to 77th (unless you want to transfer to the downtown.) Seriously people, it’s not the end of the world.

Also, when you’re at Times Square 42nd street, everyone thinks that where they are going is waaaay more important than where you are going. So even though you were waiting patiently for everyone to get off the train (because you have some modicum of self control and social skills) someone will inevitably push in front of you and try to get on the train before everyone else is off causing a bottle neck.

Do you see what I’m saying? It’s cyclical! We are the cause of our own fears! What I’m saying is, relax your bad selves, take a chill pill, learn how to be social and function in a normal society and LET PEOPLE OFF THE TRAIN FIRST!

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Elevator Etiquette: Get The F#&% Outta The Way

Posted on January 25, 2012 by EricM

We recently switched offices, which is great for a plethora of unimportant reasons. One of the few unfortunates of this move, however, is that we are now in a building with an elevator.

The elevator itself isn’t a big deal (though the speed in which it operates leaves a bit to be desired). The issue is the series of societies rejects who always seem to be standing at the entrance in the lobby when I’m trying to get off… and who blatantly refuse to observe the unwritten rule of “Let Everyone Off, Then Everyone Get On.”

Like the undertow of a Tropical Storm’d beach, I’m consistently pulled back into the tube by a wave of overweight self-absorbed punks with no social skills whatsoever, fighting my way off the elevator like Justin Tuck chasing down a quarterback. It’s infuriating. It’s frustrating. And most importantly, its socially unacceptable. Seriously, in North Korea they use to execute people for this kind of thing… or at least they will, when they finally invent a working elevator.

If you’re waiting to get on an elevator, stand to the side. Wait for everyone to get off, then  get in the shaft. If you’re SO concerned the lift is gonna jump away without you, feel free to stick your arm out like a safety patrol. But don’t prevent the exiters from doing the only thing they want to do… EXIT.

I only take the elevator down when I’m going to lunch or I’m heading home for the day. The idea of someone getting in my way during either of those excursions is the kind of thing that creates a brain aneurysm. Next person to get in my way should expect the full Terry Tate treatment. You’ve been warned.

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Restaurant Social Skills

Posted on January 19, 2012 by kristing

A lot of people who go out to business meeting at restaurant do not know how to be social. They are incredibly rude to the service staff and don’t think that there is anything wrong with this.

When you’re out at a restaurant, be nice to the waiter or waitress. They’re doing their job and are not lower than you just because you’re sitting at the table and they’re providing you a service. (Also, they have the ability to spit in your food. But just an FYI for waitstaff, this is not a good set of social skills either.)

Be fair with them, and don’t ever snap your fingers for them. Waiters are not dogs. Also, calling them things like “garcon” and “sonny boy” are derogatory and will not endear you enough to waiter to make them bring you an extra bowl of bread sticks.

And then there is the subject of tipping. Leave a tip, and not just a measly penny, some pocket lint and a mint. A full 15% tip is expected and customary if the service was adequate. Feel free to leave more if you think the service was exemplary.

Don’t be the restaurant jerk that The Bitchy Waiter writes about so often. Get yourself some restaurant social skills!

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There Is A Difference Between Polite And Faux Politeness

Posted on January 13, 2012 by MattC

I overheard someone complaining about their food. My friend and I get lunch at this little takeout Chinese food place. It’s pretty good and we attend there fairly regularly. This one woman gets her food, proceeds to sit down, pick at it. Okay, whatever.

So, my friend and I go to pay. The minute  cashier rings us up we hear, “Miss… miss. Miss?…”The cashier ignores her and continues counting our change. “Miss. Miss?? MISS!!?” This poor cashier is having difficulty trying to count because of the racket.

The woman proceeds to cut in front of me and throw her food on the counter. “I ordered no mushrooms. This has mushrooms!”

I can’t help but think, “What makes you think you’re more important than everybody else?” On top of that, the faux politeness of using the term ‘Miss’ actually develops a condescending tone when you use it for the sake of being rude.

Here’s some advice. Learn some basic social skills. Stop thinking you run the world. People make mistakes and you have to wait in line to have it corrected. That’s life. The more you act the way you should, the easier it gets to sound authentically polite. Even if you really don’t give a hoot.

You can learn to be more social if you follow this blog.

 

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Your Twitter Social Skills?

Posted on January 10, 2012 by timd

A few weeks ago a friend of mine after spending a solid decade of his adult life working towards it got himself a television show. The show seems to be a hit and as a result his Twitter account once a somewhat irregularly updated snatch for one liners became a place that his now growing legion of fans started trying to contact him through. The torrent of @ tweets was unprecedented for him and he was not sure what his obligation of responding was.

Knowing how best to use a Twitter account is one of those social skills that is only now beginning to take shape, however when he contacted me asking for advice I was happy to let him know that in the world of Tweeting you are almost never obligated to respond. Especially if you have something like a new found celebrity status.

People on Twitter are begging for attention and just because you are receiving some of their attention does not necessitate you return the favor. This is the wonderful nature of the service. Twitter is there for you to be as engaged as you feel like. It is completely obligation free communication. You are your own arbiter of what deserves your attention and what does not!

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Help! I am Dangerously Unpopular

Posted on January 9, 2012 by orens

more socialMany people have recently asked me, “Why are you so popular?” It is not because I am young, attractive, shallow, wealthy and ruthless (although those things help). It is because I know to talk to people. Social skills and conversational skills are one in the same. Learn to approach people and you too can be more social.

Speaking to someone at a bar or social event is a lot like scaring a bear or mountain lion off a campsite. Stare at the person you want to talk to. Gather as much information as you can by doing some visual recon. When they notice you staring at them approach.

Once you have approached follow these three steps:

1) Look them unflinchingly in the eye (if you are too shy for the eyes stare at their nose).

2) Be really loud so they cannot ignore you (also people like loud things like fireworks and guns).

3) Make yourself appear large by flailing your arms and shifting on your feet (this is number one when it comes to mountain lion defense).

Follow these 3 golden rules and you should have no trouble making friends. If at first these things don’t work just redouble your efforts. That means more staring, more screaming, and more arm waving.

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General Public Politeness

Posted on January 6, 2012 by MattC

This morning I encountered one of the most obnoxious subway riders EVER. Not only did this girl talk loud enough so that the entire car could hear her, she blasted obscenities at a whim in front of kids, was popping bubble gum, and kept shoving people to give herself a personal space bubble.

Okay, it’s time for a reality check, miss anonymous social misfit. There is reason nobody likes you. Here are a few tips for learning social skills.

Problem: If you do happen to talk loud (a la Will Ferrell’s “voice immodulation” skit) then the last thing you want to do is say is how you think people are bizarre for calling you rude and asking of your friend (and mostly to everyone else), “Can you believe that?” The answer is,  “Yes. Yes I can believe it.”

Solution: Instead politely apologize and then tone down the volume. You can still be excited, angry, sad, or whatever without involving the disinterest of others. Who knows. People may start feeling sympathy.

Problem: Don’t pop gum loudly in someone’s ear and respond to their death glare with, “What? I’m allowed to pop my gum if I want!”

Solution: While technically you are allowed to pop gum, it is generally considered rude [see tip 1] when you do things to purposely annoy people. What are you trying to prove? That you’re a jerk? If you have to prove toughness to your friends then you need better associates.

Problem: Pushing and shoving for personal space is not acceptable during rush hour on a week day.

Solution: If you can’t handle the crowds or have an uncontrollable phobia of closed spaces, find an alternative mode of transportation. If not, you should say things like “excuse me” because people will often make more effort to appease your discomfort and move to the best of their ability. Also, don’t shove your way into an already overflowing car of commuters. On an average day the next train will be there in about 5-10 minutes and on a bad day people will normally excuse mild tardiness from transit failures since more than just you were affected.

Hopefully these tips will help you develop some social grace and how to be social and polite at the same time.

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Tone Down Crowd Surfing

Posted on January 2, 2012 by timd

If you are the kind of person who goes to rock concerts on any sort of a regular basis you have likely collected your very own list of pet peeves. From the tall and gangly mutant who feels the need to plant himself right in front of you to the guys who decide to push forward as soon as bands go on, there is a lot to be mad about when you are simply trying to enjoy a concert.

If you are at shows of the heavier more mosh friendly variety there is even more to be concerned with. Sure in many cases these mosh pits can be quite comfortable for everyone with their own internal policing system but some people still abuse the pit.

I am particularly sick of crowd surfers. Sure once or twice during a show someone might crowd surf that is fine and can be quite fun. But more and more I notice the same guys going up for crowd surfing over and over again. It is a clear abuse of the mosh pit and bad karma for everyone. Repeatedly crowd surfing is one of the lamest things you can do in a concert environment. Do it once, and wrap it up.

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Commuting Courteously

Posted on November 30, 2011 by kristing

New York is certainly a city of commuters. Most people need to get to work around the same time every day. If you need to be at work at 9 am, you’re going to be commuting with approximately a bazillion other people. You’ll be cramped into tiny subway cars and thrown around on buses with the masses all trying to make it to work on time.

With all of these people jostling to get to the same place at the same time, there is a need for people to remember their common courtesy. Though it appears that common courtesy is becoming more and more uncommon.

I have to take a bus, a boat, and a train to get to work and I feel I am generally courteous to my fellow commuters. I make sure that no matter how much I’m carrying or how bulky my coat is, I only ever take up one seat. My music is playing at a reasonable volume (and by reasonable I mean I’m the only one who can hear it.) I do not eat strong smelling foods (I’m looking at you Mr. Tuna-Melt-on-a-Bagel-Guy!) And I never, ever nod off onto someones shoulder when I’m falling asleep on public transit.

If we follow those common courtesy rules, I will have to give out the “stink eye” much less often. Let’s shoot for a world with less stink eye, shall we?

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